Illustration for article titled A.C.C. Creationism

I ripped this off from Unearthed Arcana, the Advanced D&D manual TSR published sometime around 1985. It's the story the game's authors made up for the orc religion.


You might see me tweet out this story in 140-character increments after every nutpunching defeat N.C. State suffers.

I ritually delete social media after a terrible loss to symbolically annihilate all memory of painful events, so I'm putting the story here for those who enjoy it. For those who don't have the original, UNC are the humans, Duke the elves, Virginia the dwarves, Clemson the gnomes, and Wake Forest the hobbits/halflings.


And N.C. State, the unwanted, the despised, the cheated, eternally and gratuitously spit upon as all others enjoy their pleasant existences, are the orcs.

This is the tale the shamans tell in the camps of the Wolfpack when the night is deep on the world and the dawn is far away.


In the beginning all the gods of the ACC met and drew lots for the parts of the world in which their representative alumni would dwell.

The Tar Heel gods drew the lot that allowed Tar Heels to dwell where they pleased, in any environment.


The Duke gods drew the green forests, the Wahoo deities drew the high mountains, the Clemson gods the rocky, sunlit hills, and the halfling Wake Forest gods picked the lot that gave them the the fields and meadows.

Then the assembled ACC gods turned to the Wolfpack gods and laughed loud and long. "All the lots are taken!" they said tauntingly. "Where will your people dwell, Mr. Wuf? There is no place left!"


There was silence upon the world then, as Mr. Wuf lifted his great iron spear and stretched it over the world. The shaft blotted the sun over a great part of the lands as Mr. Wuf spoke:

"No! You lie! You have rigged the drawing of the lots, hoping to cheat me and my followers. But Mr. Wuf never sleeps; Mr. Wuf sees all!"


"There is a place for the Wolfpack to dwell—here!" he bellowed, and his spear pierced the mountains, opening mighty rifts and chasms.

"And here!" and the spearhead split the hills and made them shake and covered them in dust. "And here!" and the black spear gouged the meadows, and made them bare.


"There!" roared Mr. Wuf triumphantly, and his voice carried to the ends of the world. "There is where the Wolfpack shall dwell! There they will survive, and multiply and grow stronger."

"And a day will come when they cover the world, and slay all of your peoples! N.C. State shall inherit the world you sought to cheat me of!"


In this way, say the shamans, did the Wolfpack come into the league, and thus did Mr. Wuf predict the coming time when State will rule alone. This is why the Wolfpack makes war, ceaseless and endless: war for the wrath of Mr. Wuf.

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